Monday, August 27, 2012

My Weird, Ugly Toes

Have I shared the intimate details of my ugly toes? Probably not. Etiquette would say it's not proper.

Well, they ARE ugly and thank goodness The Ronald never was the kind of guy who had any objections to less-than-perfect toes. Otherwise, they would've definitely been the Deal Breaker.

Ever since I was 12 years old, I wished I had straight toes like all the other girls had. They could paint their toenails. They could wear cute sandals and flip-flops. But not me. Nope. I had to wear tennis shoes or sandals that covered my toes. And all these years later, that's still my summer choice.

At least one toe is definitely a hammer toe. No matter how the others are actually categorized, they are curly.  I have curly toes. They don't go sideways or upwards. Now, THAT would really be weird! The times I did decide to polish my toenails, I only did the big toe and the one next to it. The other three would never be seen, so why bother? My tiny bottles of polish lasted forever, as you can imagine.

The first Quack, uh excuse me, I mean Doctor that my mother took me to, had me wear a stupid contraption that was supposed to straighten out my toes, similar to the one below. (I guess I should state that I'm sure these work for many people, but not for me.)

Google photo

I don't know if this malady is hereditary or not, but my Great Aunt Grace had some real doozies. There's a chapter in my memoir about her and her husband, Great Uncle Albert. The chapter's title is Piggyback Toes & Coffee Can Spittoons. That's because poor little Grace's toes rode on top of each other, and Albert smoked a lot of cigars.

Anyway, life went on, with my toes being covered every summer until the mid to late 1970s. I started to wear those wooden Dr. Scholl's sandals. Those were my years of self growth, with my devil-may-care attitude. Who cares about my toes? I'm going to wear what I like, what's comfortable, etc. 
During that time, I developed my first and only Plantar's Wart on the bottom of my foot. It was very painful so I made an appointment with a local Podiatrist to see what could be done about it. I don't remember what shoes I had on, but the minute he saw my toes, he said "How long have your toes been like this?" To which I replied, "All my life, but that's not why I'm here." I then proceeded my Show and Tell about the wart.

Every time I think back about that, I have to laugh because of the look on his face and the way he said it. He appeared to be a new, young doctor and maybe mine were the first weird, ugly toes he'd ever seen.

There really is a definite reason for writing this blog post, but I'll save the last part for tomorrow. It's almost 1:00 am, and I'm getting a bit sleepy...........Zzzzzzzz.....

“I wish my hair was thicker, and I wish my feet were prettier. My toes are really ugly. I wish my ears were smaller. And my nose could be smaller too.” – Britney Spears


  1. Snap. I was born with my little toe crossed right over the one next to it. (Much of the bone in that toe was removed and now it lies straight. A bit limp, but straight.) And with the exception of my big toes, none of my toes are precisely straight.
    Angella Thirkell has at least two of her characters in her Barsestshire series announce that only children should display their feet.

  2. I thankfully have beautiful toes. However, I have other parts of my body that drive me crazy! I can't wait to find out what happens. See you tomorrow!

  3. At least you can hide your imperfections! Mine are out there like a billboard on the highway. Hum, your little piggy must have a hard time getting to market! :)

  4. I have hammer toes, too. It's a family thing. My oldest brother actually had his toes broken to straighten them out.

    I don't wear sandals anymore, lest I frighten people.

  5. One of my toes is weird ... the one next to my big toe on my left foot. It is straight, but the toenail is very thick. My toes are long (my fingers are short), but I suppose that I can't complain. Now I want to see pictures of yours, I am curious about what they look like, Becky!

    Kathy M.

  6. My daughter is the medical assistant to a podiatrist. I think I may have a guess what's coming...


  7. Toes. I don't think feet are all that pretty... anyone's! Have you not gotten many manicures in your life? I say celebrate your feet!! At least you can hide them if you don't like them. Can't wait to hear more of this story!! LOL!

  8. Toes come in the most strange shapes and sizes. Some pretty...some not so much. Men's toes are the ones that drive me crazy. Most should not see the light of day. I'm not even sure they should see the nighttime either.

    Critter Alley

  9. You are so funny. Curly toes!! I wrote a poem about my toes years ago, which placed in contests. My big toe seems normal enough, but the others are very short. A boy I had a huge crush on as a young teen once called them weird, and I've never gotten over it.
    Then I met a beautiful model-
    quality woman who had the same toes as me. When I pointed it out to her she was horrified. She'd never thought she was abnormal until I thoughtlessly pointed it out. I was just so happy to know someone like me!


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