* HAVE YOU EVER? *

Have you ever posted pictures of your feet on your blog or Facebook? I've seen quite a few pictures of women's feet, nicely polished toenails, lying on a sandy, white beach, or on a boat, or deck....and they are so pretty!

And I immediately wonder....     

Have you ever seen such funny looking feet
 and toes in your entire life?! (yes, these are yours truly!)

Somehow I guess I inherited these crooked little toes (remember reading about my Aunt Grace in my memoir's chapter "Piggyback Toes & Coffee Can Spittoons" ?)

BUT, I don't think anyone else in my family can do such tricks as I can! Someone may possibly refer to my right foot in this picture as doing my version of the Vulcan Salute!

And because of these strange looking dactyls, I never wear open-toe sandals or flip-flops. Never! Because I would hate to scare little children. And I certainly don't want anyone pointing at my feet and laughing and/or shuddering!

It's a good thing my husband is not a "foot/toe" kind of guy...otherwise where would I be at this point in my life?? I shudder to even think about it!

My Weird, Ugly Toes - Final Chapter

I started to use Chapter Two in the title, but I didn't want readers to think OMG, how many chapters is she going to write about this?! 

So.....I've had ugly toes all my life, as well as flat feet! Sometimes I wonder how my little Size 6 feet manage to carry around my not-exactly-petite weight. Sometimes I put arch-supports in my shoes, if they'll fit inside them, which usually doesn't happen.

You know how "normal" footprints leave a shape like this:

Google photo

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Mine leave a "sort of" foot-shaped blob, with weird toe indentations, kind of like this:

Google photo

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Now, the reason for writing about my toes/feet. Since I'm so short, many times my feet don't touch the floor when I sit. It all depends on the kind of chair, the height of the chair, and how far back I sit, etc. When I'm at my desk, using my laptop, I'm sitting on a wooden kitchen chair. The most comfortable position is to rest my feet on the horizontal wooden bar underneath the seat. I almost always have on some kind of shoes. This summer it's usually sandals. But Saturday night, I sat here for hours, typing away on my memoir, in my bare feet. I must've curled my already curly toes around the wooden bar and there they stayed for those hours. When I got up, pushing my chair back, I had excruciating pain in the second to the last toe on my left foot. At first I thought it was a charlie horse, but it didn't go away and the more I walked on it, the worse it felt. I have no idea exactly what the problem is, but I'm still limping around today, and I need to do some errands. Anyone have any ideas??  

I apologize if my readers had wild ideas about the podiatrist and me, and wanted to read all about it, because nothing happened, other than him giving me a prescription (which worked really well), AND him telling me that I "could have surgery to get those fixed" if I wanted to. I've considered it off and on for years, but until I can't walk or stand correctly anymore, I won't have it done. And besides, if I was going to spend a lot of money on any kind of cosmetic surgery, I'd begin with my face! ☺

"It's just my imagination. Some people have flat feet. Some people have dandruff. I have this appalling imagination..."  actor Tom Ewell, as Richard Sherman in The Seven Year Itch.

My Weird, Ugly Toes

Have I shared the intimate details of my ugly toes? Probably not. Etiquette would say it's not proper.

Well, they ARE ugly and thank goodness The Ronald never was the kind of guy who had any objections to less-than-perfect toes. Otherwise, they would've definitely been the Deal Breaker.

Ever since I was 12 years old, I wished I had straight toes like all the other girls had. They could paint their toenails. They could wear cute sandals and flip-flops. But not me. Nope. I had to wear tennis shoes or sandals that covered my toes. And all these years later, that's still my summer choice.

At least one toe is definitely a hammer toe. No matter how the others are actually categorized, they are curly.  I have curly toes. They don't go sideways or upwards. Now, THAT would really be weird! The times I did decide to polish my toenails, I only did the big toe and the one next to it. The other three would never be seen, so why bother? My tiny bottles of polish lasted forever, as you can imagine.

The first Quack, uh excuse me, I mean Doctor that my mother took me to, had me wear a stupid contraption that was supposed to straighten out my toes, similar to the one below. (I guess I should state that I'm sure these work for many people, but not for me.)

Google photo

I don't know if this malady is hereditary or not, but my Great Aunt Grace had some real doozies. There's a chapter in my memoir about her and her husband, Great Uncle Albert. The chapter's title is Piggyback Toes & Coffee Can Spittoons. That's because poor little Grace's toes rode on top of each other, and Albert smoked a lot of cigars.

Anyway, life went on, with my toes being covered every summer until the mid to late 1970s. I started to wear those wooden Dr. Scholl's sandals. Those were my years of self growth, with my devil-may-care attitude. Who cares about my toes? I'm going to wear what I like, what's comfortable, etc.

drscholls.com 

During that time, I developed my first and only Plantar's Wart on the bottom of my foot. It was very painful so I made an appointment with a local Podiatrist to see what could be done about it. I don't remember what shoes I had on, but the minute he saw my toes, he said "How long have your toes been like this?" To which I replied, "All my life, but that's not why I'm here." I then proceeded my Show and Tell about the wart.

Every time I think back about that, I have to laugh because of the look on his face and the way he said it. He appeared to be a new, young doctor and maybe mine were the first weird, ugly toes he'd ever seen.

There really is a definite reason for writing this blog post, but I'll save the last part for tomorrow. It's almost 1:00 am, and I'm getting a bit sleepy...........Zzzzzzzz.....

“I wish my hair was thicker, and I wish my feet were prettier. My toes are really ugly. I wish my ears were smaller. And my nose could be smaller too.” – Britney Spears