Steven Wright always cracks me up!
Hope you enjoy the following as much as I do.
Imagine if birds were tickled by feathers.
I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing "Happy Birthday".
I accidentally installed the deer whistles on my car backwards. Now everywhere I go, I'm chased by a herd of deer.
I got stopped by a cop the other day. He said, "Why'd you run that stop sign?" I said, "Because I don't believe everything I read."
Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.
I make my own water - two glasses of H, one glass of O.
Ballerinas are always on their toes. Why don't they just get taller ballerinas?
The other day, I went to a tourist information booth and asked, "Tell me about some of the people who were here last year."
Why in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
What's another word for "thesaurus"?
When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving.
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a dehumidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
I have a switch in my apartment that doesn't do anything. Every once in a while I turn it on and off. One day I got a call from a guy in France who said, "Cut it out!"
Now, a word from Becky: I firmly believe in the saying "Laughter is the Best Medicine." After reading all of the above funny lines, I'm all better today! Thanks so much for all the well wishes!