Monday, August 27, 2012

My Weird, Ugly Toes

Have I shared the intimate details of my ugly toes? Probably not. Etiquette would say it's not proper.

Well, they ARE ugly and thank goodness The Ronald never was the kind of guy who had any objections to less-than-perfect toes. Otherwise, they would've definitely been the Deal Breaker.

Ever since I was 12 years old, I wished I had straight toes like all the other girls had. They could paint their toenails. They could wear cute sandals and flip-flops. But not me. Nope. I had to wear tennis shoes or sandals that covered my toes. And all these years later, that's still my summer choice.

At least one toe is definitely a hammer toe. No matter how the others are actually categorized, they are curly.  I have curly toes. They don't go sideways or upwards. Now, THAT would really be weird! The times I did decide to polish my toenails, I only did the big toe and the one next to it. The other three would never be seen, so why bother? My tiny bottles of polish lasted forever, as you can imagine.

The first Quack, uh excuse me, I mean Doctor that my mother took me to, had me wear a stupid contraption that was supposed to straighten out my toes, similar to the one below. (I guess I should state that I'm sure these work for many people, but not for me.)

Google photo

I don't know if this malady is hereditary or not, but my Great Aunt Grace had some real doozies. There's a chapter in my memoir about her and her husband, Great Uncle Albert. The chapter's title is Piggyback Toes & Coffee Can Spittoons. That's because poor little Grace's toes rode on top of each other, and Albert smoked a lot of cigars.

Anyway, life went on, with my toes being covered every summer until the mid to late 1970s. I started to wear those wooden Dr. Scholl's sandals. Those were my years of self growth, with my devil-may-care attitude. Who cares about my toes? I'm going to wear what I like, what's comfortable, etc. 
During that time, I developed my first and only Plantar's Wart on the bottom of my foot. It was very painful so I made an appointment with a local Podiatrist to see what could be done about it. I don't remember what shoes I had on, but the minute he saw my toes, he said "How long have your toes been like this?" To which I replied, "All my life, but that's not why I'm here." I then proceeded my Show and Tell about the wart.

Every time I think back about that, I have to laugh because of the look on his face and the way he said it. He appeared to be a new, young doctor and maybe mine were the first weird, ugly toes he'd ever seen.

There really is a definite reason for writing this blog post, but I'll save the last part for tomorrow. It's almost 1:00 am, and I'm getting a bit sleepy...........Zzzzzzzz.....

“I wish my hair was thicker, and I wish my feet were prettier. My toes are really ugly. I wish my ears were smaller. And my nose could be smaller too.” – Britney Spears